SPK

Life is quit interesting.
I find it wonderful when my friends from middle school find me on the Internet. When I was in middle school everyone got along. No matter what they were into. It blows my mind away where life takes us.
Some people are married.
others have kids.
Some guys turned into girls.. literally. While others well, ended up in jail.
Growing up life was just too easy. I mean all the worries that I face now where not in my mind.
I didn't care about bills, I didn't care if I received a good education, never once did it occur in my mind that the people I talked too then would grow up making bad decisions or that person will end up having kids. It blows my mind.
I think to much on life and it creeps me out. Why can't I just let it be.
ha O well, maybe that's just what I like doing.

The reason for this topic...
My parents are going through a divorce. I don't even want to get started there. Today my mother and I had to go to the storage and get all our stuff out. I found so many pictures, letters,etc. I went through so much letters. hahah boys were so funny and my best friends that I had 6 years ago are still my best friends now.
haha We looked so young and so carefree..
I also found letters that I need to share with those that wrote them to me. I think it would be a good laugh.

haha one memory I must mention, one year for my favorites dance, hancio was my date. For some reason he was always a sleep. I think that night he was just super sleepy or super sick.. well I found the flowers he gave me that night. aww. I text him so he can recall that moment. He text me back and said he was so nervous that night. hahaha awww.

that is all
xoxo

2:25am

I can't sleep.
It might be cause my head is filled with so many thoughts yet, they are all tied to one person.

Why do I hide so much? Why do I put on this show for people?
People see one person.. but who am I really?
Am I just a "normal" person that can hide their feelings well. Or am I just caught up with worries about other people's life that I can't even built the strength to speak my mind.

It's not that I am having problems with myself. I love where I am at right now. Every goal I have ever made has been accomplished. I think I am starting to catch up with reality.. I can no longer depend on no one else... I never have. I am on my own. I need sleep....

Let's see...

today has been just like any other day. Woke up, went straight to work and dealt with the same kind of people. However, I managed to get a lot of paper work done.
Sometimes, I feel like I do so much, yet I am getting paid for half the job. I hate that I try not to be a complainer, yet it takes a while for me to finally earn what I should be earning.
Some say take day by day and you will get what you work for. Yet, I am only 20 and I have seen young lives taken away, so each day should be precious right?

I could go on and on how my day went.. but I think I'll just end this post.
xoxo.

When I was little I got a paper plate spilt it into slices, on each slice had a goal, and to my surprise I completed every slice.. I think its time for me to make new slices.

Finally someone serious about getting out of Corpus. I think moving with Allie up there is such a good idea. She is a sweetheart. I grew to love her and her company. She is the type of person I know that will always be there for you.
I've been through a lot of girlfriends. There are those who just didn't cut it without starting drama and then there are those whom I come to realize will be there through thick and thin. i heart Allie.

I talk to Deneise about Austin and she is going to help us out. She is going to give me a number to a guy she knows that help her out finding a apartment and stuff. I can't wait I really can't! I am getting nervous thinking about it.

I love Antone and I hope that one day he will decide to come with me and my new adventure.

I need to start applying at Texas State, UT. and St Edwards. I am suppperrrrrrrrr excited!!!!

Can't Hardly Breath..

I cannot believe he is gone... Losing a friend that is closer than a family member is the hardest thing I had to deal with. I am so glad I got to spend time with him. I'm glad when we didn't see each other for a long time it was easy to pick up where we left. We always had something to talk about. We always had stuff to laugh at. We always could talk and talk.

I miss him. I know he is in a better place now and I know I will see him again one day.. but why Richard?

Sometimes you meet people in your life and become friends for a period of time... but when you loose that friend you want to keep part of your life your heart becomes empty..

On a other note... he worries me. If I were to loose him I'll loose everything. People might see us as something else, but their wrong. We have a friendship that cannot be broken. In fact, its not even a friendship its not romance its beyond words. I might have a boyfriend that I care sooo much about and love, but if anything were to happen to him Ill loose my mind. He might put his guard up to a lot of people but with me he lets me in.. why isn't he letting me in this time?... Is it time to break that bond.. is it time for me to give up on him?.... I am so confused and worried.

I need to get out of corpus. Hopefully Allie is not joking about moving to Austin. That has been my goal since I were little. People always say they are moving there. Austin has become a cliche. For me it means a new life it means a bright future it means getting away from all the negativity in my life...

I have a lot going through my head. being high might take away a lot but when reality comes in what am I suppose to do ?

no title

Wow, I almost forgot I had a blog.
I am so glad a lot of people/events are in my past now. I finally found the word to call my enemies ... insecure. I guess their own drama in their life isn't enough.

On a lighter note,
Antone and I are doing awwwesoomme. I love him as a friend, lover, and a person. I am so glad that our relationship is carefree. Meaning serious but not so serious. Hopefully this year we will finally get our own place to call home.

That is another thing that has been on my mind. I am almost done with school at Del Mar and I need to go look for an University. I am applying for Texas State. I just hope my plans go through. I really do not want to be stuck in Corpus for another year. Corpus is not even that bad of a place. I just want to live in a place where music is active I should say than dead.

My lease was finally up last month. I moved in with my grandparents ("momo & popo") to help them out. Help them out as in keeping them company and just working around the house. So far so good. But, I really miss being on my own. I just feel like a child all over again. I don't like feeling that way at all. I feel like if I'm out too late then its bad thing in reality I'm an adult I shouldn't feel that way. That's why I hope Antone and I or just myself get an apartment. Sometimes I regret not moving in with Jonathan when I had the chance too.

Work has been the same. Hanna left. People are still crazy. I still have not gotten a raise for the crap I put up with. Same O Holiday Inn.
But, I love my job. It is my bread and butter.

I'm going to try to write on my blog more. It is a good way to get my mind off of things even, if its short.